The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. ~Virginia Woolf~I used to love Summertime when I was little. The feeling of the hot pavement smarting my feet, walking by houses in the early morning smelling the sweet and fresh perfume of new cut grass, and the freedom of not having to do any homework and playing outside until the sun stayed awake later than usual. That all changed for me when I was eleven years old.
in this gorgeous area of the local mountains, where they rode horses, had a dance every Saturday night with a vintage jukebox where songs like "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)" were played over and over. They formed crushes on girls, that were bittersweet when their time at camp came to an end. I envied them for all the fun they had, but I always went to a day time summer camp that went to the beach every day and I would swim in the ocean pretending I was a mermaid.
On the summer when I turned eleven, it was my turn to go to Calamigos. My brothers were six and eight years older than me, so their time at camp was over, they had moved on. I was terrified at first at the thought of sleeping away from home and being away from my pets, (notice I didn't say my parents), but I had no choice. I ended up having the best time and not wanting to come home. I too, formed my own crushes and loved having the reputation of being Eric and Tony's little sister to the counselors who knew them. I rode horses until I was so sore, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Camp became my new paradise. There was a parent's visiting day for the campers each summer session and my parents would always show up first for my brother's than it was my turn to see them. The visit was fun as I showed them around the camp even though they had seen it so many times between my brother's parents day and now me.
Why I'm talking about this, is because Litha/Summer Solstice just happened and every year it fills me with the same dread of remembering that Summer. I've worked through a lot of the emotional issues through therapy, journaling, group counseling etc...but I never can quite end the pain. Summer is pushed by the popular media as being the time to go out there, have some fun, go on vacation and act like there's no tomorrow. And I have had many fun Summers since I was eleven. I wonder though if people really knew the lore and mythology of the Oak King and the Holly King fighting over the love of the Goddess, would they be all smiling shiny-happy people? Our ancestors knew that soon it would be time, to gather the harvest and prepare for the Fall and Winter when food would be more scarce and the light of day would be filled with a darkness. Imagine the energy of the Oak King, being like Robin Hood, the Green Man. Full of youthful energy, virile, strong and gleaming.
I've learned to accept the duality of myself with the youthful Oak King and how he serves to teach me of how joyful Summer can be despite the past. If I don't honor him, I stay stuck in sorrow and pain. And then the Oak King reminds me, that we must all descend into our own darkness for insight and wisdom. The trick is to live in the present, knowing that the cycle of life has to include a death for rebirth. The Holly King in the image above tenderly holds the new baby, the Oak King when he hasn't grown old enough to engage in battle for the Goddess. Our feminine energy that loves both and is receptive to the offerings they bring her.
When the heart grieves for what is lost, the spirit rejoices over what is left" ~~ Sufi Epigram
7 comments:
May I recommend the EFT strategy to you? The technique is a bit complicated to learn, but can be used for many issues. In this case, your "intention-setting" statement might be, "Even though I have this sadness around summer, I still love and appreciate myself." EFT is great, because it helps i>right now<i with the symptoms, and actually seems to start the internal work of processing the past.
Best wishes on resolving this for yourself.
As I wrote on a Divining Women post today, I don't embrace the idea of the Holly/Oak kings, but I think it's so powerful that you see the symbolism of them so clearly. Perhaps you might be able to fashion some sort ritual or charm around them? Maybe sew an acorn and a holly berry inside a bag that you can keep somewhere near you? Or perhaps, if that's your thing, you might be able to fashion a wand or staff out of the two woods and use it for balancing work?
Oddly, when you asked for help, I immediately envisioned a lit candle in a dark room, sitting in front of a bowl of water. I'm not sure what that means, but perhaps you could use two "opposite" Elements in your Work?
One way that I purge negative things from my past is to write them on a piece of paper and then burn them -- visualizing that thing being consumed by the flame and being carried away on the wind. A simple technique, but it frequently works very well for me.
I use the same technique as Moonwolf - simple, yes, but extremely effective. Sometimes it has to be repeated for a while. Keep at it. Also, get an apache tear if you can - just a little one will do and carry it. It is very helpful for grief - which is what you are going through - still, after these many years. Ask the spirit of the stone to help you process and release the grief and move on.
Vienne, thank you for your suggestion for EFT. I investigated it a little more and ordered a book on it, because it sounds so interesting and could prove to be really helpful.
Not Hannah, love the idea of somehow putting a holly berry and an oak leaf together. Almost like a medicine bag I thought. So, I'm on the hunt for some charms that I can wear in my bag all the time. Thank you!
MoonWolf! great ritual. I'm going to wait for the moon to wane and then burn away. I have a fireplace so in the meantime, I'm starting to write down what I want to let go and you've also given me a great idea for a blog post. Thank you!
Witches of Stitches (love the name btw) it's funny how I used to program crystals and gems all the time and haven't done so in a long time. I'm going to get an apache stone and put it in my bag with the holly and oak leaf charm. Thank you so much.
All of you, you've given such great advice, wisdom and empathy. It's very, very appreciated!
Hi Wendy,
I've just read this post for the first time, thanks for writing it. While my own parents separation/divorce was not exactly the same as yours, there is a lot I can relate to.
My family also tends not to talk openly about things, and seems to prefer pushing things under the surface where they can fester until they can't be concealed anymore. We still do that now, but it was even worse in the past, when my brother and I were given "the news" at the kitchen table one day. That was not such a nice surprise.
My name is Selma Espinosa I'm a 46 years old mother with 3 adorable kids and I have been married for 17 years now. After the birth of our last daughter 2 years ago, I noticed something about my husband that was completely different. He comes home late every night, sleeps on the couch never in the bedroom with me and doesn't give attention to me or the kids. I remember the night he came home drunk and told me he was no longer attracted to me after I had kids.
I cried myself to sleep that night, I could not believe that the man I have loved all my life will someday stopped loving me. Just few days to our wedding anniversary, he stopped coming home and would not take my calls. I had to talk to a friend and she suggested I contact a spell caster who could help me bring back his love and attention. It was the first time I heard such stuff existed, I give it a try with high expectations. After my contact with the Priest spellcaster, he helped me cast a spell that made my husband return home to me and our kids. I know a lot of people need this to help them stay happy in their marriages. You can contact Priest Obongibok let him help you; write him on email OBONGIBOK@PRIEST.COM or WhatsApp +13612367973.
Post a Comment