My Childhood Visitors

I was a quiet child growing up. Without going into great details I would have to say I was one of those “forgotten children”. It seemed that everyone else was busy with something or someone else. I was the youngest of four children, and the sister who was born a mere 14 months before me was diagnosed with major health issues from day one. Not only did she have heart issues which eventually caused open heart surgery she was also predicted to not live past her 3rd year of life. I am happy to report that she is alive and kicking still on the verge of celebrating her 50th birthday this month.(Fall Equinox to be exact)  She will more than likely live way  past the rest of us. Ah, the marvels of modern medicine.

Yet that is not the pathway that I wish to take with this posting. Since I was born quite soon after her birth and she still required frequent trips to the doctor and hospital for multiple surgeries that she would have during the first few years of her life, I did not partake in the usual baby mother time. As I grew older this continued as I was quite healthy and a quiet timid child. I was perfectly happy with my multitude of cats that occupied my time on the farm. I did not need the companionship of my much older brother or sister, nor did they wish to give it to me.

In retrospect although this time of my life (through my 4th year) had moments that would terrify me and the lack of what some would consider the basic nurturing that most children received; it was also a time of some of the most memorable moments of my childhood. I slept in a baby bed in the old farm house in a room just off from the kitchen. A window was near my bed and I remember being able to see the moon from it. A dresser was positioned next to my bed and each evening a baby bottle would be sat atop it for me to have access to through the night.

Although I know I was only four years old the memories of this time are quite vivid in my mind. In fact some of them are more vivid then memories from later on in my childhood, yet that is what repression does to you. One evening that I remember with clarity was an occasion after I went to bed and awoke later in the night. As I went to the dresser to retrieve my bottle I could not reach it. I remember trying yet to no avail.

Suddenly a woman came through the door of my bedroom and was walking towards me. She wore all white and her hair hung around her shoulders. She came towards me as if floating and a glow like shimmer surrounded her. She never spoke a work yet it was as if I could understand what she spoke to me. As she came closer she handed the out of reach bottle to me. She stood by my bed until I must have fallen asleep as the next thing I recall was morning.

Another instance was not realized until much later in my life. I had lived with the memories of late night talks around the kitchen sink while sitting on the kitchen cabinet, my feet sitting in the sink. As I sat and gazed out the window at the night sky and all its wonder I remember being told stories of the moon and all her glory. In retrospect it seemed that at most times this occurred when the moon was full. A woman stood at the sink, She would share her stories and knowledge with me as well as another girl who stood beside her.

For years I assumed that this woman and other girl were my mother and older sister. I did not think much about it until once when I asked my sister about it. She had no idea what I was talking about so I dismissed her recollection as the fact that it was probably not her who shared in the late night stories. Later I brought the subject up with my mother who responded in a similar manner as my sister. She did not know anything of what I was speaking of.

She continued to tell me that although she did not ever remember sitting with me in the kitchen conveying stories she did remember finding me on several occasions asleep on the kitchen cabinet in the mornings. She also added that I should know better than to think I would be allowed to sit on the cabinet with my feet in the kitchen sink.

After this revelation I wondered for sometime who the woman was. Who told me the many stories of the moon and warned me of specific places on the farm not to go? Was it the woman who also assisted me that evening with my bottle on the dresser? I am not sure if I will ever know yet I do feel that I was being watched over.

One occasion when I relayed this story to my granddaughter then at a tender age of 6 she looked square at me and said in a child’s matter of fact manner, it was your angel GG. I think she was right.

Finding Your Own Magic

There is not a day that goes by when something magical does not happen. Of course sometimes we miss the opportunity to take part in such events even when they are happening right in front of us. We dismiss them at times as coincidence or possibly just a misinterpretation. They may not necessarily go with what we are “suppose to” believe, therefore we cannot acknowledge the possibility of its validity. I will be the first to say that I am not quite sure what to call myself when it comes to the labeling and/or naming of my beliefs. I envy those who can speak right up and claim to be Wiccan, Pagan, or even Christian. I call myself Pagan yet at times wonder if I offend others who also claim this name. Offending a specific belief has always been something I try hard not to do. As I would not like anyone to say I do not have the right to practice the beliefs I hold or that I am damned because of what I do or don’t believe; I likewise do not feel I have that right to do the same to them.

A non specific Pagan is what I call myself for the most part. Gleaning from all the information and experiences I have had over time and taking some and leaving others. Still I know that I am continuously evolving. I attempt to keep my mind open and my ears sharp for those morsels that come our way. Growing up in Middle Rural America, I did not have a variety of beliefs to choose from and Paganism was definitely not one of the choices. Yet I remember from a very early age having experiences that could not be explained. I was not able to really examine its origin until I was much older and much of this was done via reading. Unfortunately we did not have the internet and even finding suitable reading material could prove to be difficult. Thus much of my walk was done blindly in the dark.

I have never been a member of a Coven. My journey has one of a solitary. Quite honestly the only group religion I have been active in participating with others in is the Christian religion. Yet this experience taught me much. I believe that much of what I learned could easily be applied to any group. It is close to impossible to please everyone. This is mainly due to the fact that there are so many differing opinions. There is the need for leadership yet there are times when this can be a very delicate road to travel. The elders or wise ones teach those who are young and learning their way. Yet even in this one has to be careful not to neglect the wisdom of the young ones. I have learned many a lesson from a child’s words.

Whatever one’s beliefs may be, they are often quite personal. Yes there are those who follow simply because they are told to do so. I have always felt sadness for such people. Although I have found much wealth in the knowledge of others journeys, I have learned the most from my own. Otherwise I would still be following the church. I choose to set out and seek the answers to the questions that I had. Some led me straight back to what I had been told, others led me elsewhere. The earth in all her wisdom has been here longer than any of us. In her there are many secrets. Who can say that one can not feel the energy from her? It is a continuous journey that we all must take. Whether we make our own choices or allow someone else to.

As previously stated, there is never a day that goes by when something magical does not occur. Practical Magic is all around us. From the wearing of a crystal for protection, to the clearing of the mind via meditation, to the casting of a spell for luck, or the channeling of spirits, who is to say what is right and what is wrong. My wish for you as you continue your journey is that those moments of clarity come often to you, that your road is easily traveled, and when times do come that try or question you that you find strength to continue and wisdom to know what is right. Blessings

How I Celebrated Beltane - Mother Moon

As many of you know one of my fondest activities is tending my garden.  I have long awaited this spring and the warmth to return so that I could once more venture outdoors.  This spring I have planted more than in previous years.  Also as the fruits of my previous years efforts began to spring forth, I realized that it was going to be quite a colorful spring.  It seems that my efforts to harvest and replant as many seeds as I could from the previous year is starting to show some progress.   The pond is encircled with a variety of wild flowers as well as the small gardens I have scattered throughout my yard.  I will say that I give much credit for my great abundance to the wee folk or faery that reside in the woods that surround me.  I have asked that they help to tend my gardens and in turn I have helped them when needed as much as one can.  It seemed only fitting that the bulk of my festivities this Beltane be focused towards them.

I had tended my garden under the Elm, a special place of theirs.  Earlier in the season I had cleared out an area and planted more of a variety of flowers for them to enjoy.  Foxglove, english daisies, Bleeding hearts, and many more were scattered across the area.  Throughout the area I set up small solar lights  to give a subtle glow.  As May Eve began, I was sure to set out an extra special treat for them to enjoy as they celebrated the coming of Beltane.  Fresh cream and freshly made butter with honey drizzled across the top were nestled underneath the tree where I always place my offerings to the fae.  I lay some choice flowers along side for decoration as well as for an extra edible treat.  Before exiting I gave a quick blessing and bid them a hearty celebration and left them to their festivities.

The next morning cleaning up from the night before, I found a shiny red stone.  Occasionally they leave treats for me.  I have found special bird feathers, stones, and other things with no explanation as to how it could have gotten there.  I keep them all in a special place as I truly beleive they are gifts from the wee folk.  I then hung the ribbon, beads, and other colorful items from the branches of the trees.  I made sure that ample seed was there for the birds to enjoy as I also think they enjoy this time also.  Once again a short blessing as well as a request for blessings on the planting that had been done. 

I know that it is not how most spend their Beltane, yet it was a delight for me to share it with the fairy.  I feel I have been blessed with a magical place to enjoy and because of this I wish to do what I can to help it thrive.  I did enjoy a nice glass of wine with my choosen "consort" (Vincent of course).  And in our own manner we enjoyed the time and what it represents.  It was a pleasant way to welcome in the growing season.  I hope that all of you likewise had a joyful and fulfilling experience.  Each enjoying it in your own unique manner.  Blessings

The Spiritual Evolvement of Me

What exactly is "coming out of the closet"? I guess it is anytime when one feels that their actions or behavior is such that it would embarrass or shame them if those that they are closet to (such as family and friends) knew about it. At least that is what it all boils down too. I understand the need to stay hidden in the closet. Standing up for your beliefs, no matter what they are, can be a very difficult and sacrificing action. Such a decision can change your life overnight simply by the admission or revelation of what you have been keeping secret and behind the closet door.

In regards to my own experience of “coming out” in regards to my spiritual beliefs I am not really sure if I ever would say I was in the closet; although that in itself may be a manner that I use to disguise the fact that I was. I grew up in a small rural town in Oklahoma. The Christian faith was second nature. Much of this was due to the fact that it was rural and there was always a loss for something to do. Although our town held only a population of maybe 1500 there were a total of seven church denominations represented. I was not born or raised in what was and still is called a “Christian home”. My mother was a native of East Germany and after her escape to Berlin; she met my father and eventually came to America. She was raised with the strict regimen of the Lutheran church yet since that was one sect that was not represented in our town she refused to take us. I remember her dislike of the social manner Americans put into church. It was not a place to show off what new clothes or shoes you may have purchased the week before she would always say.

Yet I loved church. I can honestly say that I attended 6 of the 7 churches which stood in our town. It was the Catholic Church which was the one which I refrained from. Yet it was the Catholic church that later led to the beginning of my questions. Seeing a small rural Catholic cemetery one evening driving home I marveled at the statue of Jesus and the lights that shone on it. I told my mother that when I passed I wanted to be buried there. She quickly informed me that this was impossible as I was not Catholic and only Catholics could be there. This answer did not settle well with me thus I started my quest.

Being a child who often sat quietly in the corner and observed her surroundings, I took everything in. I learned at an early age the meaning of the word hypocrite although I had not even heard the word yet. It was something that confused me as a young child. Yet with a dysfunctional home life I had no one to really explain its meaning or reason to me. There were times in my younger life that I was angry for this absence yet when I look back today I am glad. For this is the reason I sought so hard for the answers I am still finding today.

Even when I was quite active in the church, I was still somewhat controversial as my views rarely were toe to toe with those of the denomination I was with at the time. I think that is why I sought so much to find answers. I believed in prayer and still do. And the answers I was getting were not what the other “people” were telling me or attempting to make me believe. For something as important as my spiritual life, I was determined to keep looking until I found that which filled me.

I think it was when I divorced in 97 that I truly began to see the need to look elsewhere. Here I was at a time when there was nothing I could have used more than support and encouragement and I received none. The women of the church shunned me, as I was now a single woman. Rumors and gossip ran rampant and these high and mighty church going individuals followed it with eagerness much like a starving dog to a fresh piece of meat. It was not that I was alone and harbored ill feelings. I had been alone before and listened to the quiet whispers that you hear when you actually really do sit and be still. It was the contradictory in their words and actions that hurt and still even at the age of 35 confused me.

I had always had an interest in the pagan side of religion yet growing up as I did it was not necessarily an option. The internet was not around yet to explore and I daresay the library would have any books that may help out. There were also the constant teachings of my Sunday school teachers; the fact that anyone who even remotely dabbled in such evil would surely be tossed to the far corners of Hell and live in eternal damnation. Yet it still always lingered in the far corners of me, waiting until I finally was at a point where I could embrace its calling.

I have to say that my walk has probably become a run since I rediscovered my husband. With his support and encouragement I have been able to trust myself more and flourish in what I feel most comfortable in. I still very much feel like I am a babe in paganism, yet I have never felt more at home. I do not shout to everyone what I believe, however I was never that kind of person. It is known to most of my family and friends that I am no longer in the church and that my practices have changed. I am open to all who question this area of me yet have not specifically gone to any for the specific reason of telling them. I have always felt that whatever the spiritual path you choose it is a personal journey and unless YOU choose to share there is no reason to. So to the question as to whether or not I have come out of the closet; I think my closet door was always open or at least cracked.

Falling Out of the "Broom Closet"

I was very unsure about this path when I first started to read about it.  It called to me, but everything I had been taught about Witches and Paganism made them sound evil.  I didn’t want to go to Hell or be left behind during the rapture as my Baptist Sunday school teachers had warned.  Still I felt pulled in that direction.  Cautiously, I started very slowly by participating on the Internet, hiding behind my first magical name for anonymity.

Once I started to understand the path, my pace picked up and soon I was running, finding everything that I could about my favorite topics.  My first mentor, who would later become my husband, taught me how to cast the circle, research and protect myself.  Things were great, but I really needed more structure to my training.  I also wanted to belong to some sort of group.

When I first found the Family Wiccan Traditions International it was growing slowly.  The idea of practicing spirituality as a family unit was something that we already did and it was exciting to find others who shared our philosophy.  Within a few months of joining the organization I was asked to serve on the Board of Directors as the Web Communications Weaver.  It was then that I really started going by my real name in the Pagan community.  This was my first step to coming out of the “broom closet”.

My husband’s parents and my two sisters were aware of my path, but that was it as far as family went.  Not much later my youngest sister actually took up her own path and is now currently studying as a solitary.  My parents and Grandmother were to be kept in the dark because I did not think they would understand or be supportive.

The job market in Ohio started to take a turn for the worse so my husband and I moved back to Texas.  We lived with my parents while we got on our feet and looked for a place to live.  While we were there it was painful to take the Pagan part of me and put it in a box.  It was actually my husband that grew tired of it and blurted out the fact that we were Pagan to my parents.  This was the second step.

At first they did not know what to do, but have slowly become more comfortable with our path.  Often they will ask what we believe about certain things or have us help them clear out the house (watching my Father smudge for the first time was hilarious).  In a lot of ways I think that we have forced them to take a look at their beliefs and widen their view on many other things.  This year during Yule my parents joined us in circle for the first time and participated in the ritual.  It was a very emotional experience for me.

Grandma and the people at work are really the only people left in the dark about my path.  I truly think that telling her would hurt her too much and that is not something that I want to do.  And while a few of my coworkers are aware that I am a Pagan, most just think I am a little strange.  I am definitely ok with that.

Brace Yourselves, (heh-heh)

Guess, it's my turn to take the latest swing in "getting to know you". Note: I love Meme's, questionaire's, etc...so thought this would be a fun way to introduce myself. Would love to see others answers if so inclined. I found it on the internet and it's kind of long, sorry about the length.



Basics
Do you have a magickal name? Bast

does it have a special meaning? In homage to the Egyptian "Cat Goddess" Bast/Bastet

How did you find Wicca/Paganism? My mother was a "scholarly" witch, who unveiled the magickal world very, very early in my life.

How long have you been practicing? Although paganism is my main path, I have also dedicated myself to other spiritual paths, so "practicing" since about twenty or so. I'm now 46.

Solitary or group practitioner? Solitary until now.

What is your path? I tend to be drawn to the earth based paganism ways.

Are you out of the broom closet? yep.

Gods/Goddess
Who are your patron Gods? Hermes, Ganesh and Odin, Archangel Michael and Herne.

Who are your patron Goddess'? Bast, Brigid, Aphrodite, Kwan Yin and not really a "Goddess" but Mary Magdalene and the same with Morgan Le Fey.

Which Gods/Goddess' do you worship? I don't know if I "worship" any deity although I certainly honor and revere them. My cats are certainly very worshipped as the saying goes, "Cats were once worshiped in Egypt and they have never forgotten this" so perhaps Bast?

Do you fear darkly aspected Gods/Goddess, or rather respect them? Both fear and respect especially Kali

Do you worship the Christian God? I believe that Jesus was a great teacher and am very drawn to the true Gnostic teachings, but definitely don't worship ole Yaweh!

Do you ever worship animals? As mentioned above, I certainly pay a lot of homage to my cats.

Or plants? I don't worship plant life necessarily, but am very respectful and drawn to plant's and herbs, esp. sage, sweetgrass, rosemary, and saffron to name a few.

Nature
Do you regularly commune with nature? In one form or another, most definitely.

Ever walked barefoot in the woods? Yes, loved it.

Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature? Not really a "camping trip" more like a pilgrimage to certain sacred places.

Describe the moment you felt closet to Mother Earth? Too many to mention, but first really profane experience was in Ireland when I traveled with my mother (accordingly enough) and every time I've visited Indian res.'s despite the sadness and every time i participate in a sweat lodge or similar rituals.

What is your power animal(s)? Wolf, hawk and cat.

Do you have a familiar? I'm owned by my two sister cats, but really for special ritual and magic, Miss Bella is my familiar. Her sister, Sele is my clown and heart.

Have you ever called upon the powers on an animal in ritual? Yes, often.

Or a plant? Yes, especially when participating in Native American rituals, like sage, sweetgrass, cedar and copal.

Do you hug trees? Actually I do and I really love old oak trees which are in abundance where I live fortunately.

Give them gifts? My love and energy, does that count?

What is your favorite flower to work with? Lotus flower and jasmine.

What is your favorite tree to work with? Oak tree and willow.

Wheel of the Year
What are your favorite holidays? Samhain and Litha

What if your least favorite holiday? In the "western" world I cant' stand 4th of July or Columbus day, too much hypocrisy and death.

Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday? Yep!

Ever taken a day of work to celebrate a pagan holiday? Yes, usually Samhain

Do you celebrate Yule on the 21 rather than the 25? I do.

Have you ever felt the Veil thin? A lot!

Ever danced the Maypole? It's been a while, but I have many times in the past. When I was a little girl, in really early elementary my school always celebrated May Day with a Maypole although I know for a fact, that most is not all of the people knew of the real origins or worshiped it as a pagan.

Know what the Maypole symbolizes? Fertility, the coming together of the Lady and Lord? and a welcoming of the true Spring spirit?

Ever made love on Beltaine? Sigh, been too long, but most definitely!

How do you usually celebrate the pagan holidays? Spent in nature and at home with loved rituals and practice.

Divination
Do you use Tarot? I can easily pick up a tarot deck and "divine" with it, but haven't in a long time.

Do you use runes? I've dabbled with the runes but am more drawn to tarot.

Do you use a pendulum? no

Do you use dowsing rods? Never have tried, although I really admire water witchs

Do you use astrology? Love astrology. Here's a little view of my chart: Sun-Libra, Moon-Virgo, Rising-Virgo, Venus and Mars in Scorpio and Mercury in Libra. Born in the Year of the Cat (appropiately enough) or as other Asian cultures call it Year of the Rabbit.

Any other form of divination? I always pay attention to what animals I see in nature and what they're doing, especially Hawks.

Spells
What was the first spell you did? When I turned 9 years old, my mother gave me a book on how to call forth Faeries, and I started to do one in my bedroom by myself and all of a sudden felt their presence and stopped because I was too scared. Wish I had a "teacher" or "mentor" who could have walked me through that road.

What was the latest? I haven't cast one in a long time, the last one was a prayer/blessing for my 21 year old son who was abusing heroin three years ago. I prayed, cast a circle, etc...for three months straight. Now, he's completely clean, straight "A" student and just really an amazing person. Thank the Goddess!

Ever done a love spell? Never a conscious manipulative one like casting for a specific person or taking some one away from someone else, but when I was younger used to cast lots of love spells.

A job spell? Yes

A healing spell? The one I mentioned for my son it that could be considered a "spell".

What was the most powerful spell you've ever performed? When I was 19 my mother (again ; ) gave me a St. Brigid statue and a 10 day novena to meet a husband. On the 10th day I met my now ex-husband.


Cryptozology
Do you believe in Vampires? The energy vampire's perhaps or wannabe's.

Werewolves? Perhaps

Shapeshifters? Yes!

Elves? Yes

Fareries? Yes

Dragons? In some form or another.

Nymphs? Yes

Sprites? Yes

Mermaids? Yes

Sirens? Yes

Satyrs? Not sure

Angels? Without a doubt!

Ghosts/Spirits? Absolutely

Ever "seen" any of the above? Yes a few of the above.

Ever talked to any of the above? I've met a few N. American Shapeshifters.

Ever called on any of the above in magick? Yes, quite a few times.

Do you have one of them as a personal guardian? I believe so.

Random
Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon? I always talk to Grandmother Moon, but I have seen a rabbit in the moon.

Own a cat? I don't know that anyone can "own" a cat, but they "own" us. I've already talked about being owned by two female felines.

When you meditate what does your sacred/safe place look like? A lot like Lothlorien or the high desert like at New Mexico or Arizona.

Do you work with Chakras? Yes

Do you believe in soul mates? Yes and not just the romantic type.

Ever met one? Yes, I've been blessed to meet quite a few.

Do you have a Spirit guide? Yes a few different one's.

Is it always love and light? I practice white/green magick, but I firmly believe you can't have the light without the shadows.

Pheww, that was exhausting but great for my own knowledge about myself and hope that any of you enjoyed it too. Oh yeah, and my name is Wendy