Performance without rehearsal.Luna's post and how authentic she was in her own struggle. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like I'm not doing life "right", if you know what I mean. In the old ways, Lammas was really about celebration of the harvest, but the other half was about counting and acknowledging your regrets of what your harvest failed to bring you . I'm not saying that I have nothing to celebrate. I have so many blessings. It's more of an internal struggle.
Body without alterations.
Head without premeditation.
I know nothing of the role I play.
I only know it's mine. I can't exchange it.
I have to guess on the spot
just what this play's all about.
I have this internal voice that's constantly telling me, "I'm not doing this right or that correctly, what's wrong with you, Wendy?!" Where's the spiritual grace that we who are on the path sometimes obtain so effortlessly and then in a turn it disappears? In my twenties, it seemed that I had this magickal touch. Whatever I wished for, manifested on the spot. Synchronicity was my best-friend. I lived as if life was one big miracle. Lately though, I have this "dis-grace" that reminds me my time is limited here.
Ill-prepared for the privilege of living,
I can barely keep up with the pace that the action demands.
I improvise, although I loathe improvisation.
I trip at every step over my own ignorance.
I can't conceal my hayseed manners.
My instincts are for happy histrionics.
Stage fright makes excuses for me, which humiliate me more.
Extenuating circumstances strike me as cruel.
A dear friend told me that sometimes you have to pray for "the willingness to be willing." That's one of my mantras now. I seem to stumble all the time now. I'm not keeping my connections to other people solid and consistent as I'd like to. My friends wonder if I've vanished off the face of the earth. I seclude myself when I could be outside soaking up these perfect Southern California Days that most people dream about. So, what's wrong with me?
Words and impulses you can't take back,
stars you'll never get counted,
your character like a raincoat you button on the run ?
the pitiful results of all this unexpectedness.
If only I could just rehearse one Wednesday in advance,
or repeat a single Thursday that has passed!
But here comes Friday with a script I haven't seen.
Is it fair, I ask
(my voice a little hoarse,
since I couldn't even clear my throat offstage).
This blog means so much to me. eWitch was formed with great love and great magic and we who write for eWitch have been through so many transformations and I continue to be amazed at our commitment to each other and this blog. Our readership keeps growing and I want to thank each and everyone of you for whatever reason that is, that you believe in us to keep showing up with support and love. In this blog, we are all strong women who have differences and yet there's a respect that continues to grow and survive no matter what bumps are on the road. This journey has taught me that maybe I'm not so alone in questioning life and when I read other peoples blogs, I'm most touched by the posts that reveal an intimacy that is usually reserved for only those who are closest to us.
You'd be wrong to think that it's just a slapdash quiz
taken in makeshift accommodations. Oh no.
I'm standing on the set and I see how strong it is.
The props are surprisingly precise.
The machine rotating the stage has been around even longer.
The farthest galaxies have been turned on.
Oh no, there's no question, this must be the premiere.
And whatever I do
will become forever what I've done.
give up on us and for my eWitch sisters who continue to "fight the good fight.". So I wish each of you a spiritual healing and grace in whatever manner you need and may we here at eWitch continue to become part of your journey Please know you're not alone. And if you feel like commenting, I'd love to know what you struggle with on a spiritual basis or just in general. And if there's anything you'd like to see or here from us at address here on eWitch; we'd all love to hear that too. Namaste.
(Poem: "Life While-You-Wait" ~ Wislawa Szymborska ~)